Anti-Pick Up Lines for Would Be Lovers

Parable of a Father

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. - He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and Mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! oh! please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months though. You got pregnant last night."

Depression

When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself."

"Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy."

"How?" asked Joe.

"Easy," replied the quack. "I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her.

By the way, Joe, what work do you do?"

"I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.

Parable of Virtues

Once all the Virtues--Wisdom, Knowledge, Prosperity, Beauty, Charity, Time-- were inside a boat and because of a big storm the boat was about to capsize. Each one quickly grabbed a life raft and jump to the sea. Unfortunately, there was not enough life raft and Wisdom had to swim through a raging sea.

Prosperity passed by and Wisdom cried out, "Prosperity can you take me with you?" Prosperity answered, "No I can't. There's so much silver and gold in my raft. There's no place here for you."

Wisdom decided to ask Beauty who was also passing by, "Beauty, please help me!" I can't help you Wisdom. You're all wet and you might destroy my beauty kits in my raft."

Charity was close by so Wisdom asked for help, "Charity, let me go with you." "O Wisdom," answered Charity, there's a lot of Virtues already in here. There's no more room for charity."

Suddenly there was a voice, "Come Wisdom, I will take you." Wisdom quickly hopped in and they reached shore" Wisdom asked Knowledge who was that Virtue who helped him. "It was Time."  "Time? But why did Time help me?"

"Because only Time cares for Wisdom."