Thursday, July 28, 2011

The parable of the biblical scholar

A nice girl brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for a chat. “So, what are your plans?” the father asks the fiancé. “I am a biblical scholar,” he replies.

“A biblical scholar. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she’s accustomed to?” “I will study,” the young man replies, “...and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?”
“I will concentrate on my studies, God will provide for us.”

“And children? How will you support children?” “Don’t worry, sir, God will provide.”

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancé insists that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, “So? How did it go?” “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”
The moral of the story: "Pray as if everything depends on God; work as if everything depends on you.
Biblical link: "The Lord will provide" (Gen 22:14).

The pig's fate

There was a farmer who collected horses;
he only needed one more breed
to complete his collection.
One day, he found out that his neighbor
had the particular horse breed he needed.
So, he constantly bothered
his neighbor until he sold it to him.
A month later, the horse became
ill and he called the veterinarian, who said:
- Well, your horse has a virus.
He must take this medicine for three days.
I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better,
we're going to have to put him down.

Nearby, the pig listened closely to their conversation.
The next day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The pig approached the horse and said:
- Be strong, my friend.
Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!
On the second day, they gave him the medicine and left.
The pig came back and said:
- Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die!
Come on, I'll help you get up.
Let's go! One, two, three...
On the third day, they came to give him the medicine
and the vet said:
- Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow.
Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.
After they left, the pig approached the horse and said:
- Listen pal, it's now or never!
Get up, come on! Have courage!
Come on! Get up! Get up!
That's it, slowly! Great!
Come on, one, two, three... Good, good.
Now faster, come on.... Fantastic! Run, run more!
Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!

All of a sudden, the owner came back,
saw the horse running in the
field and began shouting:
- It's a miracle! My horse is cured.
This deserves a party. Let's kill the pig!

The moral of the story: sometimes merit is given to another.
Biblical link: "You shall sow, but not reap" (Micah 6:15).

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The lawyer's trial

A nun, a priest, and a lawyer arrive at the gates of heaven and St. Peter greeted them. "Welcome to Heaven. We have simplified the process of admission, and all you need to do to get into Heaven is pass a simple test. Are you ready?"

The Nun said, "I've prepared for this moment for 73 years."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "spell 'God'."


"Very good, Sister, enter your eternal reward."

"That was easier than I thought it would be," the priest said, "I'll take my test now."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "spell 'love'."


"Excellent, Pale', enter your eternal reward."

The third person, a lawyer, said, "Boy, is this is gonna be a snap. Give me my test."

"Okay," said St. Peter, "spell 'prorhipidoglossomorpha'."
The Moral of the Story: Honesty is still the best policy.
Biblical link: "How irritating are honest words" (Job 6:25).

Common sense saves

During a Eucharistic Congress, a number of priests from different orders are gathered in a church for Vespers. While they are praying, a fuse blows and all the lights go out.

The Benedictines continue praying from memory, without missing a beat.

The Jesuits begin to discuss whether the blown fuse means they are dispensed from the obligation to pray Vespers.

The Franciscans compose a song of praise for God's gift of darkness.

The Dominicans revisit their ongoing debate on light as a signification of the transmission of divine knowledge.

The Carmelites fall into silence and slow, steady breathing.

The SVDs pray their favorite prayer, "May the darkness of sin.....vanish..."

The parish priest, who is hosting the others, goes to the basement and replaces the fuse.

The moral of the story: Common sense saves.
Biblical link: The LORD protects the simple (Psa 116:6 ).