Adultery

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."

Noon at ngayon

Usapang Genius

Genius 1: Iba nang panahon ngayon. Noon pag-sinabing ag sinabing papaya, prutas. Now sabon na


Genius 2: Oo nga. Noon pag sinabing Blackberry at Apple, prutas din. Now celfon na.

Genius 3: Oo nga talaga. Time natin, di ba yong Samsung, asawa ni Delilah?

Missed-communication

Sa Jollibee...

Businesman: Excuse me, may wi-fi ba kayo rito?

Crew: Naku, Sir, wala po! but ... you can try our Apple-fi or Mango-fi!

Quality time with the Father

Once day, father was doing some work and his son came and asked, “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” Father said, “Yeah sure, what it is?” So his son asked, “Dad, how much do you make an hour?” Father got bit upset and said, “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” Son said, “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” So, father told him that “I make Rs. 500 per hour.”

“Oh”, the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said, “Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?” The father furiously said, “if the only reason you asked about my pay is so that you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard every day and do not like this childish behavior.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think, “May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn’t ask for money very often!” The man went to the door of little boy’s room and opened the door.

“Are you a sleep, son?” He asked. “No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy. “I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier”, said the man. “It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you, Here’s the Rs.300 you asked for”.

The little boy sat straight up, smiling “oh thank you dad!” He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father.

“Why do you want money if you already had some?” the father grumbled. “Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied. “Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you”. Father was dumbstruck.

source: http://www.moralstories.org/father-son-conversation/

No change

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

One glass of milk

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house.

However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water!

She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?"

You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."

 As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.

She read these words ...

 "Paid in full with one glass of milk" (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Special gift to mother

a man wanted to give his mother a very special mother's day gift. she loved opera and he found a very special bird for her that could sing her favorite operas in four different languages. He paid $ 6000. for it and had it special delivered to his mom. He called her to ask her about the gift and she told him she loved it. She went on to say " it was delicious !

Beethovem decomposing

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper.

She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is.

The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."

marriage full of excitement

Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

marriage eye-opener

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.